I am writing this in memory of our darling Rottweiler Holly who passed away July 20, 2006. 

Holly was 11-years old and had a great life, she was still full of beans albeit a bit stiff and sore in the mornings.  Nothing half a anti-inflammatory with breakfast couldn't fix!   We still went for walks and played ball and she slept on her beanbag inside with her lifelong doggy pal Buddy. 

On Saturday July 15, I noticed a lump on her right shoulder that was as big as the palm of my hand, she was walking okay but I thought we would get it checked out. We saw the vet, who said that it could be a number of things including a fatty cyst, a hematoma, an abscess or something more sinister. The vet suggested a variety of ways to diagnose Holly's lump including a biopsy.  We discounted this as we did not want to put Holly through a big operation at her stage in life.

The vet put a needle in the lump too see if any fluid came out which would indicate it was a cyst or a hematoma, but nothing came out and the vet suggested we take Holly home and see how she went as she didn't seem to be in any pain.  I booked an ultrasound, the least invasive way to diagnose her problem,  for Thursday, the soonest available appointment with the only vet who was qualified to use/read ultrasound. 

We took Holly home and kept her comfy and warm next to  Buddy and gave her lots of kisses and cuddles. The lump grew over the next couple of days until Holly couldn't walk properly on her right front leg, on Wednesday I made an appointment to have Holly euthanized because I had always promised myself that I would do right by my dogs when the time came -- easier said than done!

On Wednesday, we were so close to the ultrasound appointment for Thursday that I asked Holly to hold on until we could make an informed decision about what to do for her.

On Thursday morning the ultrasound went ahead and to my delight it was unexpected good news, Holly had a splinter and the lump was full of puss!  The vet showed me the point of entry and we agreed that an operation to remove the splinter was not a big deal because there wouldn't be any removal of tissue so the healing process would be short as long as I kept her off the leg. Holly should be back to normal within a couple of weeks and I was to pick her up that evening.

I went and saw Holly and told her that the doctor was going to fix her up and I would be back to get her later. I kissed her and went home.

I was so happy, the weight of the world had lifted and I cleaned the house, had a play pen brought over to put Holly in and got everything ready for Holly's recovery, I was just waiting for the phone call to say I could come and get her. 

The phone rang at dinner time and I was told that Holly was on the operating table and the lump was a huge tumor, what did I want to do? I couldn't speak so I gave the phone to my partner.  He found words were failing him too, the vet offered to close up the wound and wake Holly up for us to say goodbye, we live an hour from the vet and what Holly had been through all day alone was enough so we asked them just to let her go. Holly died at 5.30 pm without me by her side and after a whole day alone waiting for her operation.

I never planned for that to happen, I feel no guilt, what I feel is deep sadness and regret for Holly. That's how life goes sometimes I guess and all the best laid plans are no guarantee.